my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
