Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
