can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
