toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
