just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
