How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
