Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
