I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
sarcasm needs its own font
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
