I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
