Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
