and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
