you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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