My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
