Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
