Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
