I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
