I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
