I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
