is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
