it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
