I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
