The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
