when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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