dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
