She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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