Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just pee around me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
