he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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