Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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