You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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