But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
