is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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