Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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