i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
