The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
