So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
