He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
