Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
