dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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