I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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