Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
