hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
