she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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