I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
