mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
