I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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