Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
