Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
