I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
