mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hippo gnu deer
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
