I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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