One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
