If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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