you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
